Your Apparent Payoffs

Submissive

You avoid unpleasant situations, conflicts, short-term tensions, and confrontations. You don't have to take responsibility for your choices .

Assertive

You feel good. You feel respected by others. Your self-confidence improves. You make your own choices. Your relationships with others are improved. You have very little physical distress now or later. You are in touch with your feelings .

Aggressive

You get some anger off your chest. You get a feeling of control. You feel superior.


The Effects On Others

Their Feelings

They feel guilty, superior, frustrated, or even angry.
They feel respected or valued.
They feel free to express themselves.
They feel humiliated, depreciated, or hurt.
Their Feeling Toward You

They feel irritated. They pity and depreciate you.
They feel frustrated or disgusted with you.
They lose respect for you because you are a pushover.
They usually respect, trust, and value you.
They know where you stand.
They feel hurt, defensive, humiliated or angry.
They resent distrust, fear you.
They may want revenge.

Probable Outcomes Of Each Type Of Behavior

You don't get what you want. If you do get your own way , it is by indirect means . You feel emotionally dishonest. Others achieve their goals at your expense. Your rights are violated. Your anger builds up, and you either push it down or redirect it toward other people who are less powerful. You may find yourself procrastinating, suffering in silence, doing things half-heatedly, being sloppy, or becoming forgetful. Others manipulate you . Loneliness and isolation may become common in your life.

You often get what you want if it is reasonable. You often achieve your goals. You gain self-respect. You feel good.